The Chaos Dimension

The Journeyman

2007-02-06T23:19:00.000+08:00

It's the journey and not the destination that matters.

But if isn't for the destination, will I even set out on the journey?

Hmph.

Friendship

2007-01-24T00:21:00.000+08:00

有福同享，有难同当。

The Laws of Infernal Dynamics

2006-12-20T21:41:00.000+08:00

Murphy's Law meets Newton's Laws of Motion.

1) An object in motion will always be moving in the wrong direction.

2) An object at rest will always be in the wrong place.

3) The amount of effort required to move the object in the correct direction or to the correct place will be more than what you are willing to to expend, but not so much as to render the task impossible.

Can it be?

2006-12-18T21:59:00.000+08:00

How many times have I been heartbroken in the past, drag myself through shit, pull myself together, only to look back and realise that I'm better off not going down that path?

A small part of me tells me... maybe, maybe, maybe... I've really been lucky all these while.

Am I?

"She's got a smile that it seems to me, reminds me of childhood memories, where everything was as fresh as the bright blue sky." -"Sweet Child O' Mine" by Guns N' Roses.

Promises

2006-12-10T21:08:00.000+08:00

I promise to...

1) Consider others' feelings more often.
2) Appreciate things/people before I lose them.
3) Be more aware (and thankful) of people around me.

Life

2006-05-31T21:10:00.000+08:00

It's ironical.

When we are young, we wished that we would grow up faster.

Now that we are growing up, we wish that we could be young again.

There are many things we could have done, but did not do.

Words that we could have spoke, but did not speak.

An opportunity missed.

A love lost.

Looking back inevitably brings regret.

Life is meant to be lived, not regretted.

Dusting off the cobwebs

2006-05-29T21:44:00.000+08:00

It's been awhile.

I've been down about 2 weeks, due to a soccer injury. Once more, the game I love so much has brought me pain and suffering. Sacrifice? Maybe. But this was I guess, the first time I feared I may never kick a ball again. It wasn't so much the ankle. That will heal in time, and I just have to be more careful in future (no more outside foot.. T_T ). It was the back, which didn't actually come on the day itself, but the next day. Imagine the feeling of someone ramming a nail up your spine everytime you cough/sneeze/bend over. That pretty sums up my past 2 miserable weeks of hobbling, hunching, and grimacing.

Tomorrow. 30th May 06. Once again, another good friend has completed his sentence, and I (we, actually) will be devoid of his joyous company in camp again. It's one of those feelings I get when someone close ORDs. The joy of seeing him reclaim his freedom, and yet the void he left behind is quite noticeable. Life in camp will never be the same without any one of the NSFs. Over time, we have developed a bond of sorts, even with the guy we didn't know that well. But well, if the old doesn't go, the new wouldn't come. With every person going out, it can only mean one thing.

My time is near too.

Yet another random garble of thoughts.

2006-04-19T22:05:00.000+08:00

One of the things that has been nagging at me is the decision to either give up or pursue. Giving up may be seen as weakness on my part, but I'm a realist. I'm not about to spend my time chasing a vain hope and end up with nothing but sorrow in the end. It will hurt a lot, but I guess it's better than hanging on and hurting even more, not knowing where it's leading me, not knowing what I will eventually end up with, or if it's even worth it (although I convinced myself it was).

Some people think money is the root of all evil. Many others, however, think it is the love of money. A little more correct, no doubt, but I do not agree.

The root of all evil... is hope.

200

2006-04-17T22:00:00.000+08:00

Today is another milestone in these (less than) 2 years. Less than 200 days. Another step closer.

Sometimes I wonder why I try so hard. Why I even bother about someone or something that doesn't care. Why it worries me so much. Why I'm even able to lose sleep over it. Why I cry my heart out over it. Somethings I know are bad for me, but I still head towards it, like a moth to a flame. I just can't help it.

Welcome to my pain.

Winds of Change

2006-04-15T22:17:00.000+08:00

2 years isn't really a long time. But it's sure long enough for many changes to occur. Surroundings change. Situations change. Relationships change. People change. Sometimes I begin to wonder if any of this is real. Things never remain the same. What works yesterday may very well fail today. Friends for today, enemies tomorrow.

Sometimes I look into the mirror and hardly recognise the face staring back. Is this the process called "growing up"? I certainly wouldn't want growing up to feel like this.

Another random garble of thoughts part 2

2006-04-02T20:33:00.000+08:00

Loneliness as a companion. I have this newly-acquired appreciation for irony. Some people find loneliness unbearable, others do not really mind it, likening it to solitude. I've almost always been lonely throughout my life, but even more so now. This "lonely" does not mean not having anyone to gossip with, or not having anyone sit beside you during lunch. Rather, it's more like a lack of someone who understands me, someone who can be there for me to talk to. It doesn't have to be a girl, like what some people think. Perhaps this is why I've stopped confiding in people. I tell someone, hoping to find some solace, I get a few words of comfort in return (thanks), somehow word starts to get around, everything boils over, and I get scalded. Too many times this has happened. It's just not worth the few words I get in return, which has rather varying results. It may cheer me up, or make me feel like shit, or just simply confuse me altogether. There are, however, some "regulars" to whom I go to, and I trust the advice they give me. Many thanks to these people.
Anyhow, back to loneliness. Loneliness can make you seem aloof to others. Few people will come to you for advice. Fewer will come to you for a shoulder to cry on. That's fine with me. I'm used to being ignored. It kind of numbs you to whatever shit you may get from others. It hardens you and protects you from the sting of criticism. It's simple, actually. Nobody bothers about you, leaving you to fend for yourself, suffer by yourself. You have no shoulder to cry on, just your pillow at night before you sleep. In fact, you cry yourself to sleep sometimes. After time, you learn to accept that you are alone. You can rant and rave when you are pissed, but only at yourself. You blame your supposed shortcomings, rather than other people, because there is no other people. And finally, you just become numb to everything. You stop crying and cursing. Why is there a need to, since only you are around to comfort yourself? Just skip that step. You learn to take everything in your stride. It's wonderful, isn't it... in the company of loneliness...

Another random garble of thoughts.

2006-04-02T20:13:00.000+08:00

Lately I've been wondering about life. You know, the things you find happiness in in life. I couldn't really name many, which probably explains how I really feel nowadays. I know I often appear happy and cheerful and crappy, spouting garbage at every opportunity, and irritating the life out of you almost every minute. How many people actually understand how I really feel inside? I think there's a part of me that tells me I need to appear strong on the outside; for what reason, I don't know too. Maybe it's just my sickening pride which does not want to make me appear weak. Then again, am I really weak? I can't answer this question, because I don't know too.
Anyway, back to the things that make me happy. Of course, there are trivial things that bring a smile (or a foolish grin) to me. Things like, well, sharing silly jokes and banter, or attaining a new personal best in Akina downhill, or just having fun in general. But do these things really evoke a sense of satisfaction? Do they even really mean anything? I doubt so. I guess the only thing that makes me happy deep inside is making that special someone happy too. Yeah, when you are happy, so am I. But then there is always that question of... possession. Actually having, as compared to could have had, or pretending to have. Then again, life's like that. You almost never get what you want. What's worse, life dangles it in front of you, in an agonizingly so-close-yet-so-far manner. It's eating away inside me, like a festering wound, rotting away. The feeling is incomprehensible, understood only by those who have been through it. So next time before you say "I understand.", please rethink again. Do you really understand this anguish?

The Chance

2006-03-29T21:51:00.000+08:00

It's so funny how games sometimes relate so well to real life.

Flashback...

On Tsuchisaka Inbound versus the Evo IV driver.

Emerging from the tunnel, close behind the Evo IV.

To the oil slick turn. Evo IV slips into the oil and flies to the outside. The inside is now wide open.

It's time to accelerate, pass him, and leave him in the dust without looking back.

There she goes...

2006-03-26T22:31:00.000+08:00

I've been neglecting this for some time. But for a good reason. Its just because there's nothing in my miserable life worth writing about.

Oh have I told you about the cute Umeya girl? Haha.

To be continued....

Delegation

2006-03-13T20:32:00.000+08:00

"When I was in OCS, I learnt that a sergeant is the solution to all problems."
-- Lt. Pavlov Dill, Starship Troopers 2: Hero of the Federation

I guess this explains all the... "delegation"....

Fun With Monkeys

2006-03-07T20:31:00.000+08:00

Fun With Monkeys on Sunday was postponed due to unforeseen circumstances.

Or more specifically, due to me deing knocked out for 6 hours in the afternoon.

Instead, there was the 7th season of The Simpsons.

I never knew I enjoyed the series so much.

D'oh!

Greatest Soccer Moments

2006-03-01T21:26:00.000+08:00

I was watching a few of these videos today (in camp and at home), and I discovered that a few of these goals constantly appeared in every video I came across. I guess they rate as a few of the best goals ever scored in the history of the game. You decide.

1) Clarence Seedorf's thunderbolt strike from close to midfield (40 metres or so?). Forgot the club he scored against.

2) Ryan Gigg's famous goal against Arsenal in the FA Cup, with a solo run that started from his own half. Man U fans will remember this.

3) Roberto Carlos' trademark "banana" goal with the outside of the left foot. Looks almost unworldly.

Now the story's played out like this

2006-02-28T21:51:00.000+08:00

I recently discovered a lot of things.

One of which is that I have this evil streak in me.

It happened when we caught this monkey on Saturday. For some reason beyond my comprehension, I had this sudden and severe urge to kill it. However, by some stroke of luck (on my part as well as the monkey's), the little bugger managed a lucky escape through a longkang. It kind of shook me up, as I never thought I come so far as to take the bugger's life, no matter how much we joked and talked about it.

I guess it was just down to too much GTA, or just some frustration that had to be let loose.

I'm inclined to believe it's the latter.

Nothingness

2006-02-24T22:39:00.000+08:00

I'm run down, I'm lost, I'm broken, and I've lost everything I have.

So what more do you want?

Frustration

2006-02-16T22:03:00.000+08:00

No matter what I try, no matter how hard I try, nothing seems to work out.

I still love the game, but the game doesn't love me anymore.

Rime Of The Ancient Mariner

2006-01-26T22:28:00.000+08:00

Hear the rime of the Ancient Mariner
See his eye as he stops one of three
Mesmerises one of the wedding guests
Stay here and listen to the nightmares
of the Sea

And the music plays on, as the bride passes by
Caught by his spell and
the Mariner tells his tale.

Driven south to the land of the snow and ice
To a place where nobody's been
Through the snow fog flies on the albatross
Hailed in God's name,
hoping good luck it brings.

And the ship sails on, back to the North
Through the fog and ice and
the albatross follows on

The mariner kills the bird of good omen
His shipmates cry against what he's done
But when the fog clears, they justify him
And make themselves a part of the crime.

Sailing on and on and North across the sea
Sailing on and on and North 'till all is calm

The albatross begins with its vengeance
A terrible curse a thirst has begun
His shipmates blame bad luck on the Mariner
About his neck, the dead bird is hung.

And the curse goes on and on at sea
And the curse goes on and on for them and me.

"Day after day, day after day,
we stuck nor breath nor motion
As idle as a painted ship upon a painted ocean
Water, water everywhere and
all the boards did shrink
Water, water everywhere nor any drop to drink."

There, calls the mariner
there comes a ship over the line
But how can she sail with no wind
in her sails and no tide.

See... onward she comes
Onwards she nears, out of the sun
See... she has no crew
She has no life, wait but there's two

Death and she Life in Death,
they throw their dice for the crew
She wins the Mariner and he belongs to her now.
Then ... crew one by one
They drop down dead, two hundred men
She... She, Life in Death.
She lets him live, her chosen one.

"One after one by the star dogged moon,
too quick for groan or sigh
Each turned his face with a ghastly pang
and cursed me with his eye
Four times fifty living men
(and I heard nor sigh nor groan),
With heavy thump, a lifeless lump,
they dropped down one by one."

The curse it lives on in their eyes
The Mariner he wished he'd die
Along with the sea creatures
But they lived on, so did he.

And by the light of moon
He prays for their beauty not doom
With heart he blesses them
God's creatures all of them too.

Then the spell starts to break
The albatross falls from his neck
Sinks down like lead into the Sea
Then down in falls comes the rain.

Hear the groans od the long dead seamen
See them stir and they start to rise
Bodies lifted by good spirits
None of them speak
and they're lifeless in their eyes

And revenge is still sought, penance starts again
Cast into a trance and the nightmare carries on.

Now the curse is finally lifted
And the Mariner sights his home
Spirits go from the long dead bodies
Form their own light and
the Mariner's left alone

And then a boat came sailing towards him
It was a joy he could not believe
The Pilot's boat, his son and the hermit
Penance of life will fall onto Him.

And the ship it sinks like lead into the sea
And the hermit shrieves the mariner of his sins

The Mariner's bound to tell of his story
To tell his tale wherever he goes
To teach God's word by his own example
That we must love all things that God made.

And the wedding guest's a sad and wiser man
And the tale goes on and on and on.

-- Rime of the Ancient Mariner by Iron Maiden

Monotony

2006-01-24T22:08:00.000+08:00

Today is just like yesterday like tomorrow like the day before yesterday like the day after tomorrow like...

You get the point.

Oh, joy..

2006-01-20T23:41:00.000+08:00

I just cannot shake the feeling that the entire world is against me. This sickening paranoia had been bugging me for as long as I can remember, but it has never manifested itself as strongly as now. In every game there has to be winners and losers, and some of us just simply lose more often in this game of life. If a god does exist I'm pretty certain he has forsaken me.

Afterall, who would want to bet on a losing horse?

The cold, biting wind.

2006-01-12T21:53:00.000+08:00

Its been dark for a few days now. Raining on and off, putting a stop to almost all activities out of doors. The mood itself seems miserable. The dark skies and gloomy atmosphere thingy kind of reminds me of the Matrix, or Underworld, or some show where you almost never see the light of the sun.

I just wonder how long will this carry on.

Crawling

2006-01-09T22:12:00.000+08:00

Everyday's the same.

I live in a world bound by routine. Go to camp, and wait for time to crawl by. Bits and pieces of my soul ebb away, sucked in by the vortex known as the SAF. Like someone once put it, these 2 years are a void in my life. Everything seems so surreal, almost dream-like. It's as if I will wake up at anytime and just find that its all a bad dream.

Weekends come and go, leaving me to wonder if it actually came in the first place. Most of them spent in a drunken haze, I guess. Nothing to look forward to, nothing to reap. Only that distant light at the end of the tunnel, a spot of hope in the inky darkness. Every day, hour, minute, second, I move inexorably closer to it. The light seems brighter and closer every day.

The light known as ORD.

The Insignificant Half

2006-01-04T22:31:00.000+08:00

One of the more sickening feelings these days is having duty on a day right after coming back from leave or off.

And its exactly what l'm feeling now.

Having crossed into my ORD year, I realised that I have lost some of the patience I once had. Lately, I've been thinking a lot more about November and clearing leave.

Like many others, I guess I'm feeling it..

Goodbye

2005-12-23T22:23:00.000+08:00

When someone ORDs, it always brings about a bittersweet feeling. Happy for the person who has finished serving his time, yet sad that a friend is leaving, and meetings will be limited. This is especially so when it is a good friend's time to leave, and it makes camp life a little more empty and devoid of NSF company. But as it is said, the old must leave before the new can come.

Well, see ya around, Mao Mao.

All I want for Christmas...

2005-12-19T22:25:00.000+08:00

This year's Christmas present is going to be the best in all 19 years.

My driving licence. =)

Milestones

2005-12-11T22:09:00.000+08:00

Quite a number of milestones in the past few weeks:

1) I reached my 1-year-left-to-ORD mark on 3 Dec.

2) I reached my 50%-through-NS mark on 5 Dec.

3) I turned 19 on 9 Dec.

4) 3 guys. 1 bottle Martell. Gone in 50 min. The Martell, not us. LoL. 10 Dec.

The Same Old Same Old

2005-11-13T22:37:00.000+08:00

It was back to the same old hole on Saturday night again. Not because I really like that place, but the fact remains that you can't get a bottle for 150 anywhere else. I'm willing to try somewhere else next time, because seriously it's getting quite boring there now. Crowd's more or less the same, the tracks are overplayed, you get the picture.

I didn't really enjoy myself that much this time around. Guess maybe the drinks wasn't good. Experimenting does work out well all the time. Yep, I could spend a night in there without a tinge of guilt anymore.. no need to worry what anyone else thinks.. but enough of that. Ha.

New place next time yeah?

Imagine

2005-11-09T21:35:00.000+08:00

Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today...

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
No religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace...

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope some day you will join us
And the world will live as one.
--John Lennon, Imagine

Heaven.. for now

2005-11-07T21:27:00.000+08:00

Time in camp today was spent watching The Shawshank Redemption.

A really touching story of friendship, hope, and justice.

You should really watch it if u haven't already done so.

Crazies

2005-11-06T21:44:00.000+08:00

"God must love crazy people, since He made so many of them."

How apt.

_

2005-10-30T21:39:00.000+08:00

I survived...

1 bottle of Jim Beam White
1 Bailey's Double Shot
1 Long Island
1 Flaming

It made me stoned rather than high.
Thankfully I could still walk straight.

CBL

2005-10-28T22:31:00.000+08:00

I know I often gripe about how paltry a sum I receive a month as compared to those combatants. And it is true. I don't take that back. But looking at how I (and some others in my camp) pass some of my (or their) days, I guess the SAF is paying me for doing almost nothing for some months. Take today for example. I go to camp, play soccer, eat, fool around on the comp, take a nap, then fall out. 500 bucks a month for doing this. Any takers?

Smoke out

2005-10-24T21:19:00.000+08:00

Chemical defence training is indeed a once in a lifetime experience.

Donning a suffocating gas mask, donning a thick suit that smells like it has just been picked out of a garbage dump, powdering yourself as white as sheet, and then attempting to drain the gallons of perspiration from the mask.

Who wouldn't want this experience?

Did I mention the sensation of baking in an oven?

Almost unbelievable

2005-10-16T21:20:00.000+08:00

"I had just leased this house out on the beach at Malibu, I guess it was around '74 or '75. I remember sitting in the living room, with all the doors wide open on a spectacular July day. I had this acoustic 12-string and I started tinkling around with it, and those "Hotel California" chords just kind of oozed out. Every once in a while it seems like the cosmos parts and something great just plops in your lap." -- Don Felder

Hotel BMTC

2005-10-10T22:05:00.000+08:00

Down Seletar Expressway, cool wind in my hair
Warm smell from the cookhouse
Rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance, I saw a fluorescent light
Nee Soon Medical Centre
I had to stop for the night

There they stood in the doorway
My OC and PC as well
I was thinking to myself
This can't be Heaven, this has to be Hell

And they opened the tonner, and they showed me the way
There were sergeants down that corridor
I thought I heard them say

Welcome to the Hotel BMTC
Such a garang place (such a garang place)
Such a garang face
Kena confine at the Hotel BMTC
All throughout the year (all throughout the year)
You can find me here

His mind was certainly twisted
He had a sadistic bent
He has a lot of other PTIs he calls "friends"
Going round the parade square
Sweet summer sweat
Route march to remember
Route march to forget

So I called up the OO
I said, "Sir, I want to die"
But he said, "We haven't had a suicide here since 1999"
And still those voices are calling from far away
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say

Welcome to the Hotel BMTC
FAIBEE-AXE! (FAIBEE-AXE!)
Faibee-axe
Plenty of canteen breaks at BMTC
What a nice surprise (what a nice surprise)
Bring your alibis

Lizards on the ceilings, houseflies in your eyes
We are all prisoners here of the Army's device
In the Specialists' Chambers, they gathered for the feast
They stabbed it with their plastic knives
But they just can't cut the beef

Last thing I remember
I was running for the door
I had to find a passage back to the place I was before
"Relac," said the RP, "until you ORD...
"You can book out anytime you like,
But you can NEVER LEAVE!"

The myriad of thoughts

2005-10-08T21:38:00.000+08:00

And the king sat high and mighty on his make-believe throne, the scepter of fools in his hand.

Ruler of the kingdom of dreams and shadows, the Fool of fools.

Reduced to watching his world and dreams crumble to bits.

Hopeless and helpless.

Heartache

2005-10-07T23:06:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I feel the world is being cruel to me on purpose.

But then there's not a shit in hell that I can do about it.

Range

2005-09-23T22:31:00.000+08:00

A normal 5.56mm Ball round costs about 50 cents.

However, its price escalates 400 times when it comes to range.

200 bucks, a day off, and a badge, as compared to simply nothing at all.

The difference? That $200 round.

Canines...

2005-09-23T22:25:00.000+08:00

I just realised (albeit a little too late), that there are a couple of dogs in my camp. 2 to be exact.

They whine and whimper and fawn in front of the master.

But bark and growl when he's not around.

I'm bloody sick and tired of them.

Aren't you?

I wish...

2005-09-18T21:51:00.000+08:00

"There are many things that I would like to say to you, but I don't know how." --From Wonderwall by Oasis

Never has there been a more apt line to describe me now.

This, to the most endearing girl I ever met.

The Good Old Days

2005-09-10T19:53:00.000+08:00

Of all the infantry songs sung in BMT, a line from one of them is stuck in my head till today.

"Got no time to f*ck my girl ah, but got time to f*ck spider ah!"

ORD Calendar v1.0

2005-09-04T21:50:00.000+08:00

This program is dedicated to poor souls like you and me who have lost our freedom in the name of defending our nation.

The Endless Cycles of Ups & Downs

2005-08-24T22:44:00.000+08:00

The weeks are passing by rather quickly, much faster than I dared to hope for at the beginning. Its almost September, and I can practically smell my promotion. I've promised myself not to look at the ORD calendar again, at least until I'm promoted, thereby reducing my number of days left to freedom to less than 400.

Been rather busy lately, especially there are 2 courses going on concurrently. Lots of last minute stuff and deadlines to be met. This also increases the chances of being saboed, especially by the warrants who seem trigger happy when it comes to firing arrows. I will be doing my last duty of the month tomorrow, leaving my nights free until mid-Sep, where the barrage of duties begin again. Sigh...

At least there's soccer tomorrow.

The Loneliness of a Long Distance Runner

2005-08-19T22:41:00.000+08:00

I never knew running such a long distance could be so lonely. The loneliness was the overpowering, even more so than the fatigue. The first 4km went by easily enough, perhaps helped by the fact that there was company along the way, excluding the damn monkeys that sat on the fence lining the road. At the end of 4km, the dull ache started to set in, but I had gotten used to it over the past few weeks. The winding road stretched out beneath me, as my feet covered the distance slowly.
Another turn.
Another winding road.
Repeat.
One crucial fact was that I never knew how far I had covered, since the roads looked more or less the same, and despite my best efforts trying to recall from the previous runs, it all failed. More or less alone till 7km. I could feel the blood rushing to my feet, triggering the pins-and-needles sensation that I absolutely hate. It felt as if someone slipped lead blocks into my shoes. I had to endure this feeling all the way until the 9km mark ( 2km, but it felt like forever). Something strange then occurred, a sensation which I had never felt before (probably because I've never ran this far). My legs kinda "resetted". The prickly feeling left, and suddenly I was full of energy again. Perhaps the motivation came from the fact that I was so near the end, but then I still had 3km to go (or so I thought at that time...).
Back out at the junction.
Left for the remaining distance (or so I thought again...).
Right to end this torture.
I picked left.
Wrong move.
It took me on an extra 2 km, instead of straight out to the finish line.
Others ran 10km. I ran 12.
At least it was still under the hour.
What a glorious fuckup.

Jack Be Nimble

2005-08-15T22:30:00.000+08:00

Jack be nimble,
Jack be quick.
Jack just jacked
Your candlestick.

Quotable quotes...

2005-08-14T17:25:00.000+08:00

... from who else but our beloved CowBoy?

"The weather is getting hottest and hottest."

"There are many snakes around, and they are very poison."

"I'm not super-duper you know."

"Eh, don't be a cock!"

"Basket you!"

Last but not the least... his hot favourite...

"CHARGE YOU!"

The knife in the gut

2005-08-12T22:01:00.000+08:00

It's inevitable that I will offend some people along the way.

And I'm pretty sure I've tread on quite a number of toes.

I did nothing to you.

But you had to get in the way.

Fuck you. And fuck off.

Maintenance

2005-08-11T20:44:00.000+08:00

Time to dust off the cobwebs.

Now that NDP is over, there's finally going to be less work. The 2 days off serve as a bonus. However, OIC, being the kiam kana he is when it comes to off, nearly didn't allow us to go. Afterall, it was up to "OC's discretion". These 2 days, combined with the day off on Monday, gave me a super-long weekend... song bo!

Its back to work again tomorrow.... sian. Thankfully, this is only a 1-day week. ;P

The Fleeting Glimpse of Memory

2005-07-27T21:52:00.000+08:00

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's too much that time cannot erase

When you'd cry I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

The Leech

2005-07-21T20:37:00.000+08:00

I have to admit I'm having a good NSF life. Afterall, how many PES A/B guys can claim to stay out and have an 8 to 5 desk job? Mind you, I did not chao keng to get this posting. It's just the luck of the draw I guess. Or else Mindef screwed up big time. How else did you explain the fact that a guy who passed the SOC during BMT (quite a mean feat, considering only 5 in my BMT platoon did) can land the same vocation?

However, once the monotony of unit life sets in, you will suddenly start to pay much more attention to your ORD date, which will seem much further away than quite a number of people around you. This will only serve up another dose of misery and that familiar sian feeling comes back. I can practically feel the 2 years of my youth being drained out of me.

It's one thing to pay money. Paying time is a completely different matter.

One's replaceable. The other just goes down the drain into oblivion.

Confucius says...

2005-07-12T20:01:00.000+08:00

Man who jumps off cliff, jumps to conclusion.

Man who put tool in woman's mouth may not necessarily be dentist.

Man who puts cock in Peanut Butter jar is F***ing Nuts.

Man when young snatches kisses, when old kisses snatches.

Couple who go on 7-day honeymoon make hole weak.

Squirrel who runs up woman's leg finds no nuts.

Girl who sits on judge's lap gets honourable discharge.

Man who excels in putting worm on hook is Master Baiter.

Man who goes to bed with hard problem wakes up with solution in hand.

Girl who goes camping must beware of evil intent.

Girl who sits on jockey's lap gets hot tip.

Secretary not permanent until screwed on desk.

Passionate kiss like spider web - lead to undoing of fly.

To get pretty nurse, you must be patient.

Man wearing tight trousers is pressing his luck.

Nail on board not as good as screw on bench.

No difference between man and mouse - both end up in pussy.

Blank

2005-07-11T21:08:00.000+08:00

The Monday blues. Once again.

Only thing this time it was tempered by the fact that OIC wasn't around in the morning. In fact, three-quarters of the school staff was at SAFTI demo ground. That left the remaining one-quarter of us to get on with the work in school. Or from our point of view, pretend to get on with the work. Despite the fact that I'm still relatively new (I've only been there for like 3 weeks), it didn't take me long to realise that work comes to a standstill when OIC leaves. It is only when he returns and starts screwing people that we start making some sort of headway again.

It was kind of a depressing day again (like, which day isn't?). It rained throughout the afternoon. And to compound things, the blardy 154 had to stall some distance from Clementi. So begins a 20-minute trek home, with the complimentary bus ride providing scant consolation. I guess this sorta things happen more often to some. Otherwise, who would be around to bear the shit burden of rotten luck while the rest enjoy their good fortune?

Anesthesia

2005-07-08T23:05:00.000+08:00

I've been dreaming for too long. It's about time I woke up from those illusions.

For my own good.

Sanitarium

2005-07-07T21:55:00.000+08:00

Welcome to where time stands still
No one leaves and no one will
Moon is full, never seems to change
Just labelled mentally deranged
Dream the same thing every night
I see our freedom in my sight
No locked doors no windows barred
No thing to make my brain seem scarred

Sleep my friend and you will see
That dream is my reality
They keep me locked up in this cage
Can't they see it's why my brain says rage

Sanitarium, leave me be
Sanitarium, just leave me alone

Build my fear of what's out there
Cannot breathe the open air
Whisper things into my brain
Assuring me that I'm insane
They think our heads are in their hands
But violent use brings violent plans
Keep him tied, it makes him well
He's getting better, can't you tell?

No more can they keep us in
Listen, damn it, we will win
They see it right, they see it well
But they think this saves us from our hell

Sanitarium, leave me be
Sanitarium, just leave me alone

Fear of living on
Natives getting restless now
Mutiny in the air
Got some death to do
Mirror stares back hard
Kill, it's such a friendly word
Seems the only way
For reaching out again

-Welcome Home (Sanitarium) by Metallica

A rather pleasant surprise

2005-07-06T21:25:00.000+08:00

I'm beginning to get used to my job. Since I'm the guy doing the off passes, the workload isn't really that heavy, apart from the fact that there can be quite a lot of last minute stuff, especially last minute changes in weekend duties. Either that, or it just comes down to the fact that some people do not really bother looking me up for their offs, which I sincerely hope its not the case. I'm not about to play hide-and-seek around school, especially for certain people skilled in the dubious art of vanishing *hint*.

I'm pretty bushed, espcially since duties on both Sunday and Tuesday. Granted that there was a break on Monday, but the AHM training run on Tuesday morning took just about whatever energy I had left. We were left with no choice but to be humji last night, since the memory of getting caught with their pants down were still fresh in some people's mind. I'm rather glad we did, because the BOS did come down for a check, although TSM decided to take the night off.

After all these weeks, she finally decided to look me up again. And I thought that I would never hear from her again. Seems that I was mistaken. Pleasantly mistaken.

The First Few Days

2005-07-01T23:32:00.000+08:00

I'm not afraid to admit it. I've been leading a miserable life. Not a day has gone by in which I've not felt depressed for some reason. I try to hide it though.

Life in camp. He's acting much more normal now. I'm glad for that. That was the guy I know from back then, and not the one that's intent from running away from responsibility. Welcome back, man.

Being an exam clerk wasn't as tough as I feared. Perhaps it's because I'm a new guy, and OIC may be afraid that I will screw things up on his behalf. But he's treating me rather well, not barking as he usually does. I'm thankful for that. And for my wonderful upper study too... hahaz...

The Young and Hopeless

2005-06-27T21:10:00.000+08:00

First duty on Sunday. So its my first off today.

I'm kinda glad I'm away from him for awhile. Not surprisingly, my dislike for him has grown over the days. It doesn't really have anything to do with what anyone, or everyone, said. It was pretty obvious, if only I had paid closer attention. I don't see why I should go on the defensive the next time he takes a potshot at me again in front of others. Its about time he tasted what its like getting suaned.

Yep, he should stick to what he's always been good at.

Running and hiding from responisibility.

Where did everyone go...?

2005-06-25T23:01:00.000+08:00

I'm sort of beginning to adjust to my new life. Apart from a few nagging details, almost everything is okay.

One of those nagging details is.... him.

Many times, I secretly wished that I was posted elsewhere instead of school. I don't even mind going to base, considering the fact that 4 others are there.

Afterall, I'm not afraid of the heavier responsibilities... unlike him.

The Artful Dodger

2005-06-23T21:44:00.000+08:00

Work in school has sort of become a cat and mouse game. Avoid OIC at all costs, and dodge out of the sight of Ninja if possible. The former to avoid scolding (sometimes for no reason), and the latter to siam the arrows and saikang. However, my successes with the latter has sort of declined, due to the fact that he is getting smarter. He now sends people to summon me, so I never know who will be the bringer of bad news.

The duang life is coming to an end soon. Department posting tomorrow. The real work begins. Urgh.

Getting to know the same people.

2005-06-20T20:52:00.000+08:00

There's a lot more beneath the surface than it appears.

And there's a hell lot more to a person than he/she appears.

So I learned during my first day as a permstaff.

Duty's starting this weekend.

Dang.

The chapter ends.

2005-06-17T22:25:00.000+08:00

I haven't been blogging much. Which is a good thing. Means that I've been doing things more productive than rotting in front of my com.

Posting was on June 16. I have much to be thankful for, being posted back to school. There are many worse places to end up in, and now those places are being filled by my buddies. It nevertheless evokes some sense of guilt in me, not joining them for saikang in depots.

Looking back, the course was one to remember. Friendships formed, tests passed (and failed), jokes cracked, and of course, silly things done (mostly by Bok Guan). We worked towards the common goal of passing out. And after passing out, we wished we were back in it again. Strange, isn't it...

A day hasn't passed in my "new" position, and the politics have already begun. I guess what most of us agreed on was true. It's easy to be everyone's best friend when there is no physical or mental stress. Put all 15 of us into sispec or OCS, and I'm sure we will be at each other's throats in no time.

But in spite of all the poking and suan-ning for the past 13 weeks, one thing is for sure.

I'm gonna miss you guys.

... what happened...?

2005-06-13T21:48:00.000+08:00

The past 2 days were a blur. Really. Intoxication shouldn't be done on a regular basis.

Today's Sembawang visit was the ultimate. Powerpoints with 60+ slides. Siao-on instructors. Darkened environment. Freezing air-con.

So came the Z-monster...

Staring into space

2005-06-09T19:47:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow's Friday.

The end of a cycle.

The start of another.

I'm really going to need the intoxication this weekend.

We all do stupid things

2005-06-08T20:42:00.000+08:00

All leave a bad taste.

Some are easily forgiven.

But most aren't.

The Long Road

2005-06-07T21:26:00.000+08:00

How the hell did we wind up like this?
Why weren't we able
To see the signs that we missed
And try to turn the tables
I wish you'd unclench your fists
And unpack your suitcase
Lately there's been too much of this
But don't think its too late
Nothing's wrong just as long as you know that someday I will

Someday, somehow I'm gonna make it alright
But not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow I'm gonna make it alright
But not right now
I know you're wondering when

And I hope that since we're here anyway
We can end it saying
Things we've always needed to say
So we can end up staying
Now the story's played out like this
Just like a paperback novel
Let's rewrite an ending that fits
Instead of a Hollywood horror
Nothing's wrong, just as long as you know that someway I will

Someday, somehow I'm gonna make it alright
But not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow I'm gonna make it alright
But not right now
I know you're wondering when

--Someday by Nickelback

It's getting brighter...

2005-06-07T12:07:00.000+08:00

Week 12 is going to be an awful long one, especially since there are 3 assessments. Just hope I manage to drag myself past this week. There's a hell lot to look forward to this weekend. The pay. The party. And of course, the last week of the damn course.

I just hope there isn't more of King Kong's lesson this week. It's not a good thing to die with the end in sight, isn't it?

Rotting in pieces

2005-06-05T14:02:00.000+08:00

It was a difficult choice - to stay at home and rot, or to go out and blow more cash. I've almost used up my entire month's pay, so it didn't take much time to choose the former. Anyway, I definitely have to take a break from my regular body-destruction regime. It doesn't make much sense to put so much effort into exercising throughout the week, only to see it go down the drain on Saturday nights. Not to mention the cash.

Rounding the corner

2005-06-04T12:43:00.000+08:00

The visit to Nee Soon on Wednesday was a damning experience, worse than watching grass grow or paint dry. I guess that more or less sums up the feeling of the guys working there. 7 or 8 duties a month... absolute misery. The OC seems to be a world of his own too, trying his best to promote that tiny palce of his, much to my amusement. I suspected that he tried to crack a few jokes but failed spectacularly in the process ("Guard duty here does not involve prowling. The only prowling the guys do is among the ammo boxes checking stock." Cue laughter.). For those "posted" there, I prefer calling it an exile rather than a posting.

Another characteristic cockup by me today. With the TSR test looming on Monday, I conveniently forgot about bringing that file home. Great. Now I have to sweat my balls off, hoping that a huge chunk of the tutorial comes out, or that my buddy is generous with his answers. Bad, bad, bad.

Recollections

2005-06-01T20:46:00.000+08:00

Painstakingly built up over two years.

Trashed in two minutes of madness.

Perhaps its just due to rotten luck. Or more likely, I acted without thinking.

But it sure would never be the same again.

The good, the bad, and the hopeless.

2005-05-31T22:19:00.000+08:00

I've been neglecting this for some time.

Two and a half more weeks to POP. Admittedly, time has flown by even though I was pretty sure it wouldn't. Rewind 10 weeks back:

Some guy: How long is this course?
Me: (This can't last more than a few weeks... what's there to learn anyway?)
CLS: Your course is about 12 to 13 weeks long.
Me: What?? (My God... this is never gonna end.)

Ironically, I was just poking fun at my friend's 10-week Combat Medic course the day before.

Back to the present, I'm still harbouring some faint hope that our CSM would somehow forget about our Field Storage project. But CLS quashed that little hope by reminding us that it is indeed a very important project. Somehow I doubt that we will be able to graduate without submitting this "crucial" project.

By the way, the son of Kong finally arrived.... in our camp. His chest is huge enough to serve breakfast on. I swear. Avoidance is of paramount importance.

Only Eat Talk and Idle

2005-05-25T20:23:00.000+08:00

The visit to OETI was fun, save for the kiappish RP at the camp gates. He saw fit to make us walk all the way back to the main building just because we didn't have our headdress on. Apparently it serves no purpose, other than to delay our fall out time by another 10 minutes or so. Must be the prolonged effects of sitting in a tiny guardroom from 8 to 5 every day. Seems that it does irreversible damage to the brain.

Anyway, it was at OETI that I came to realise the true definition of the word 'slack'. I guess that is the only place where I would have begged for a shorter break time. The tuang level there sure thrashes the current one at SOA. 2 1-hour tea breaks a day, at a canteen with 6 stalls?? My goodness... those lucky people...

The growing void of emptiness.

2005-05-24T07:43:00.000+08:00

Test tomorrow.

No notes.

No study.

Fail? Maybe....

Who cares anyway?

Not me for sure.

Hail to the Clown.

2005-05-23T12:02:00.000+08:00

Well, it just had to happen. To play well for the entire match, only to be felled by a sucker punch. Too bad, that's football for you.

I'm presently in a state of stonification. Must have been the drinking. Must cut down.....bad for health.

Speaking of stoning, I'm off for another session. Beats staring at the screen hoping something will materialize out of nowhere.

On hindsight....

2005-05-20T12:22:00.000+08:00

I never really thought that I would actually get down to doing this. Maybe I'm just bored. Or just not thinking straight. Or whatever. It probably would have been better if I just left this crap alone. Then again... since its started... lets not ditch it.

At least not until it dies.

Good luck to the sispec warriors posting out to the support arms.... and even more to those staying behind for ASLC. You will need it. =p